2013-2014, A Year In Review
Wow, I can't believe that I'm already half way done with my undergraduate college career. It seems as if it were only yesterday that I arrived on campus and moved in...now, half of my time at UC is already gone!
This year was incredibly turbulent, to say the least. And incredibly difficult. While I learned a lot this year, both in class and about myself, it seems as if even more questions have been brought up as well. Namely, what the heck am I going to do with my life???
For the fall semester I was taking a full load with my CCM classes and then, since I had decided to double major in Biology, organic chemistry as well. I thought that ochem wouldn't actually be as difficult as everyone said - yep I was proved wrong pretty quickly. Somehow I managed to get a B+ in the class, but that was the result of blood, tears, and so much stress that I literally started losing my hair! Even though I managed to survive that semester, it scared me away from the science career path for the spring semester. Funnily enough, come spring I would be in a class that turned out to be as hard, or harder, than organic chemistry. That would be the dreaded Music History II. God, that class was awful. In some respects it was exactly like ochem; we were expected to know everything about anything and anything about everything. For our mid term and final, we had to memorize around 50 pieces of music, including multi movement pieces, and after hearing a random 30 second segment, be able to identify them by title, composer, large work, and any bit of information about it or its significance, structure, etc. Oh, and that was only one section of the exam! It was impossible to know everything, and since this class wasn't curved...well it ended up being even more difficult than the hardest science class to exist. Yikes, so much for having a semester off of hard work.
Anyways, the spring time was just as hard of a semester for me as fall. This past year, in particular this past semester, I have been struggling with finding what my passion is and where my career will take me. I thought I would be able to get back on track with music - that I would be able to redevelop the love for music and performance that I once had. So far, it's something I still struggle with and I always feel inadequate in my performances. It didn't help that I didn't get into a single summer festival to which I applied. That was a huge slap in the face, since I was very satisfied with my audition tapes and it shattered what fragile confidence I had managed to procure. That got me thinking, that maybe I should go back to science. Maybe research is what I'm meant to do, with music as a hobby? Even though this experience sucked, and still sucks, at least I have learned that I need to keep my options open and not focus only on one path. For now I have started up my double major again, and am having to take summer classes as a result. Totally not fun, but at least I have a goal again, even if I still don't know what career I will eventually end up in.
On that note, though, this experience has gotten me thinking about where my true passions do lie. I thought my passion was music, and it had been until this year where I just have started to get more and more discouraged. I thought that my passion might become medical research - but after starting to help in a lab this summer, I have found out that it is not nearly as glorious as I imagined. So maybe I will become a zookeeper. Or a marine biologist. Or a National Park Ranger. Or....maybe a music therapist?
I have started volunteering in a music therapy clinic one day a week helping high school girls develop their social skills. So far it has been really great and super fun! As I continue helping out there for the rest of this summer, maybe I will find a new passion. Who knows, but all I know is that I do not want to stress myself out again by thinking too hard - another valuable lesson I learned from this year!
If I could go back in time and give myself advice before I started my sophomore year, I would have plenty of it to give. First, boys are not everything. I've been single for a year now, and yeah, it's gotten lonely. But I've also been able to focus more on my actual friends and finding new people to talk to. Second, take time to relax and de-stress. Yoga is a wonderful invention and works miracles, that's something I'm sure of. Third, going into this next year I need to try and worry about my future less. With the music therapy volunteering, I'm trying to not think about it too hard and convince myself that that is what I should do - if I do, I'm afraid that the same thing with performance and general biology will happen. So, I just need to go with the flow.
This year has really changed me, and I'm not sure if it's for the better or worse. Only time will tell, but I know that for my next step although I say that I need to not worry about the future too much, I still need to keep working hard and pray that I will become enlightened. Preferably soon.
Lastly, right now I am able to use my gifts and talents to give back to the society by helping these two girls out at the music therapy clinic. I hope that I am making a difference, and as I continue my volunteer work, hopefully new opportunities to share my gifts will arise.
This year was incredibly turbulent, to say the least. And incredibly difficult. While I learned a lot this year, both in class and about myself, it seems as if even more questions have been brought up as well. Namely, what the heck am I going to do with my life???
For the fall semester I was taking a full load with my CCM classes and then, since I had decided to double major in Biology, organic chemistry as well. I thought that ochem wouldn't actually be as difficult as everyone said - yep I was proved wrong pretty quickly. Somehow I managed to get a B+ in the class, but that was the result of blood, tears, and so much stress that I literally started losing my hair! Even though I managed to survive that semester, it scared me away from the science career path for the spring semester. Funnily enough, come spring I would be in a class that turned out to be as hard, or harder, than organic chemistry. That would be the dreaded Music History II. God, that class was awful. In some respects it was exactly like ochem; we were expected to know everything about anything and anything about everything. For our mid term and final, we had to memorize around 50 pieces of music, including multi movement pieces, and after hearing a random 30 second segment, be able to identify them by title, composer, large work, and any bit of information about it or its significance, structure, etc. Oh, and that was only one section of the exam! It was impossible to know everything, and since this class wasn't curved...well it ended up being even more difficult than the hardest science class to exist. Yikes, so much for having a semester off of hard work.
Anyways, the spring time was just as hard of a semester for me as fall. This past year, in particular this past semester, I have been struggling with finding what my passion is and where my career will take me. I thought I would be able to get back on track with music - that I would be able to redevelop the love for music and performance that I once had. So far, it's something I still struggle with and I always feel inadequate in my performances. It didn't help that I didn't get into a single summer festival to which I applied. That was a huge slap in the face, since I was very satisfied with my audition tapes and it shattered what fragile confidence I had managed to procure. That got me thinking, that maybe I should go back to science. Maybe research is what I'm meant to do, with music as a hobby? Even though this experience sucked, and still sucks, at least I have learned that I need to keep my options open and not focus only on one path. For now I have started up my double major again, and am having to take summer classes as a result. Totally not fun, but at least I have a goal again, even if I still don't know what career I will eventually end up in.
On that note, though, this experience has gotten me thinking about where my true passions do lie. I thought my passion was music, and it had been until this year where I just have started to get more and more discouraged. I thought that my passion might become medical research - but after starting to help in a lab this summer, I have found out that it is not nearly as glorious as I imagined. So maybe I will become a zookeeper. Or a marine biologist. Or a National Park Ranger. Or....maybe a music therapist?
I have started volunteering in a music therapy clinic one day a week helping high school girls develop their social skills. So far it has been really great and super fun! As I continue helping out there for the rest of this summer, maybe I will find a new passion. Who knows, but all I know is that I do not want to stress myself out again by thinking too hard - another valuable lesson I learned from this year!
If I could go back in time and give myself advice before I started my sophomore year, I would have plenty of it to give. First, boys are not everything. I've been single for a year now, and yeah, it's gotten lonely. But I've also been able to focus more on my actual friends and finding new people to talk to. Second, take time to relax and de-stress. Yoga is a wonderful invention and works miracles, that's something I'm sure of. Third, going into this next year I need to try and worry about my future less. With the music therapy volunteering, I'm trying to not think about it too hard and convince myself that that is what I should do - if I do, I'm afraid that the same thing with performance and general biology will happen. So, I just need to go with the flow.
This year has really changed me, and I'm not sure if it's for the better or worse. Only time will tell, but I know that for my next step although I say that I need to not worry about the future too much, I still need to keep working hard and pray that I will become enlightened. Preferably soon.
Lastly, right now I am able to use my gifts and talents to give back to the society by helping these two girls out at the music therapy clinic. I hope that I am making a difference, and as I continue my volunteer work, hopefully new opportunities to share my gifts will arise.